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Have you ever wondered how to connect with your child and use that connection to make parenting a lot easier? I share all my tips in a 7-day parenting challenge and I invite you to join me!
We were walking back home and my son was loudly complaining about the idea of having a nap after lunch. He kept informing me that there is no way he will sleep that afternoon although I wasn’t even insisting on this.
He was obviously tired and angry.
Actually, the whole morning was just a series of difficult moments. He acted up before going out because he couldn’t wear his favorite t-shirt (which was in the washing machine).
Then on the way to the supermarket, he kept breaking all the rules about safely riding his bike. He was speeding on the ramps, not waiting for me as we agreed, making loud noises all the time.
You can certainly imagine how our short stop at the grocery shop went! He started asking for things he knew that we weren’t going to buy. And he complained about almost every item that we added to the cart.
Then we spent some time in the park and he was very happy about this. But as soon as we decided to go home things started to get difficult again.
After a morning full of explanations and endless discussions, I felt that I was running out of patience.
All I could think of was that I wanted to get home and hopefully enjoy some quiet while he naps.
But then, as we were on the way home, he stopped his bike and closely looked on the road. I got closer and he smiled at me and said: “Look, mom, a lot of ants coming out of that hole! They are so cute! Maybe they are little ants and their moms going home for lunch.”
I looked at him and my heart melted! I realized that he is still my sweet little boy and that I was so busy thinking about my ruined morning that I never thought about the feelings that made him act like this!
So I took a deep breath, I left all my anger behind, and I just stayed there next to him, watching the ants. Then I sat on the grass on the side of the road and I invited him to join me. We talked about ants, we hugged, and we even played a little game that made us both laugh!
Before we got off the grass I told him how much I love him. He smiled and told me he wants us to cuddle more before nap.
And it showed me once again how powerful connection is! Not only that his difficult behavior stopped but later we then got the chance to talk about what happened and he learned a little bit more about managing his emotions.
He understood what was wrong with the way he acted. And we found together some ways to do things better next time.
I truly think that connection is the most powerful tool that we have as parents! Because it allows us to show kids that they are loved and appreciated! Because it helps us teach them important life lessons in a gentle way. And most of all, because it allows us to raise happy and confident kids!
Here are some of the reasons that make connection so important for parents:
– The feeling of disconnection is the main cause for kids’ misbehavior. Almost all the negative behaviors are caused by the fact that the child’s “emotional fuel tank” is empty.
Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell (the authors of “The 5 Love Languages of Children”) explain that “The prime cause of anger and misbehavior is an empty love tank.”
And this is so true!
When kids feel disconnected they are more likely to misbehave. Also, disciplining kids without building a connection first is far more difficult and inefficient.
– Positive discipline is based on connection. If you want to discipline your kids in a gentle way, connection is essential!
Having a strong relationship with the child makes discipline easier. Actually, one of the fundamental principles of positive discipline is “connecting before correcting”. We use this strategy and it works every single time!
Behaviors like temper tantrums, aggression, whining, not listening can all be corrected using connection.
“Replace a goal of obedience with one of connection and trust instead. Children are drawn to follow those to whom they are emotionally connected. By parenting not for obedience but for relationship, kids are naturally inclined to follow your lead.” (Kelly Bartlett)
– Connection is all about making kids feel loved and putting the parent-child relationship above all other things.
Kids who feel that parents truly love them (and accept them for who they are) have more self-confidence and are more emotionally-balanced.
Pam Leo explains very well why connection is so important for every parent:
“Keeping children’s love cup (emotional fuel tank) filled is the key to effective parenting. When children feel loved and connected, they care about what we need and feel. It is only when children care about what we need and feel that they respond to parental guidance. When children are low on emotional fuel, they become anxious, stressed, and angry.”
The great benefit of connection is that it allows us to focus on the kids’ feelings instead of their actions. When we focus on emotions we are less likely to take the behavior personally and let anger guide our reactions. Also, we are more likely to truly understand the kids and provide them the support and guidance they really need.
In my opinion, building a strong connection with the kids is the best way to build a happy and peaceful family!
Not only that the kids will be happier because they will feel our love and support but we will also feel better knowing that we are gentle and loving with our children.
This is why I want you to invite you to join our Positive Connection Challenge and get some great tips to help you build that strong connection.
Over the course of 7 days, I will share with you the best ideas that help me connect with my child, make him feel loved and special, and handle better the difficult parenting moments.
Here are some of the things that we will talk about during the parenting challenge:
– How to use connection to make your child feel safe, loved, and happy
– Why positive connection is the core of gentle discipline and how you can use it in the difficult parenting moments
– How to make more room for connection even if your days are busy or you feel totally overwhelmed
– How building a positive connection with your child can make parenting a lot easier and lay the foundation for a strong long-term relationship that is based on love and trust.
Sounds good? Join us and get started!
photo credit: Evgeny Atamanenko / shutterstock.com