how to be a better mom

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how to be a better mom

There is no manual on how to be a better mom. And we don’t need one! Because in most of the cases, the answer is already in front of us. We just need to take the time to find it and to let it guide us every single day.

The most powerful parenting lessons that I’ve learned in my life came from the most difficult moments that I’ve faced as a mom. Those moments when I struggled to find a balance. When I questioned if what I was doing as a parent was right. When I wasn’t the mom that I had hoped to be.

It was in one of these hard days when something apparently insignificant changed the way I see myself as a mom.

We were going through one of those periods when I felt tired and overwhelmed and my son’s behavior seemed very hard to manage.

I felt bad about not having enough patience with my son. About not planning those awesome activities that I was seeing on Pinterest. About not preparing those delicious healthy meals that I wished my son would eat every day. And about many other things that didn’t seem right.

So one morning, when I needed some quiet time, I went to one of our toy rotation boxes, took out my son’s favorite toy parking garage, and invited him to play with it. Usually, that garage was doing miracles! My son could play with it for hours.

But that time things were different.

He lost the cars that he normally used when playing with the garage. So we needed to find other ones.

And the issue was that these other cars were bigger and he couldn’t use them to play with the “car wash” at the bottom of the garage.

He had a lot of other ways to play with them: parking them, moving them up and down the ramp, placing them in the car elevator, and so on. But he seemed to be totally focused on placing them into the car wash. And this only led to frustration and loud complaints.

Instead of having a quiet time, I kept hearing him complaining and explaining to me how he cannot play at all with the garage. I showed him that there were a lot of other things that he could do. I even suggested trying a completely different toy to stop the complaints.

But nothing seemed to work.

My patience was running out. So I just looked at him and told him in a very firm tone:

“I can’t believe that you only see that little car wash! There are so many other things that work great and they are right in front of you. Why are you insisting on only seeing what is wrong? You focus so much on something that isn’t working that you don’t get to enjoy what does work!”

As I finished saying those words something strange happened.

I felt like those words were perfectly describing me even though they didn’t seem to have anything to do with me.

Because there I was, feeling bad about myself and focusing so much on the things that went wrong that I wasn’t able to enjoy what was working well.

I was so focused on judging the moments when I lost my patience that I wasn’t seeing the many other difficult moments when I was patient. I saw all those perfect activities on Pinterest that we never did. But I wasn’t seeing all those moments when we played happily in the park, running and laughing together.

I was focusing on those awesome meals and perfectly-organized homes instead of enjoying the joyful time that we spend together eating Mac and Cheese. Or the dance parties that bring us so much joy in the middle of my not-perfectly organized living room.


Those apparently insignificant words resonated deeply into my heart. And made me reflect on the things that I can do to become the mom that I want to be instead of feeling bad and blaming myself for not being the mom that I thought I need to be.how to be a better mom

5 things that help me be more of the mom that I want to be

It’s been some time since that day. In the meantime, I’ve discovered 5 powerful things that help me be more of the mom that I want to be. I share them with you today with the hope that they will be as inspiring and helpful for you as they were for me.

1. Deciding what being a good mom really means to me

Being a good mom can mean a lot of things. It can mean spending a lot of time with the kids, teaching them many awesome things, making amazing activities together, raising them in a wonderful home, cooking them tasty healthy meals, playing with them on the floor for hours. And so much more!

The truth is that we cannot do all these things. And we shouldn’t!

In my opinion, the most important step towards being the mom that you want to be is to clearly define what being a good mom means to you.

Here is what I realized about myself while thinking about this:

– I am not a playful mom by nature but I can find ways to enjoy playing with my son (I wrote more about this here).

– It’s not so important to me to have a perfect house but it’s essential for me to build a peaceful and loving home for my family.

– I would never be able to do those complicated activity projects on Pinterest with my son. But instead, I can plan easy activities that we can enjoy together.

– I cannot cook amazing meals. But instead, I can learn to prepare quick meals that are both healthy and easy to do.

And so on.

What I realized thinking about all these things is that the most important thing for me is to be a gentle mom.

I want to be a positive parent and raise a happy and confident child. For me, being a good mom means being loving, understanding, and gentle every single day.

So instead of trying to be a great mom in all the areas of parenting, I spend more time focusing on this important goal.

Here is something that can inspire you to find exactly those things that are truly important to you as a mom: One question that could really make you a better parent.

how to be a better mom

2. Giving up perfection

“There’s no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one.” – Jill Churchill

This is so true! I will never be a perfect mom. And I am totally fine with this!

My son doesn’t need a perfect mom. Because this is how he will learn that being perfect is not a goal. And he will learn to love himself despite his imperfections and enjoy life even when it’s not perfect.

So yes, I am that mom who doesn’t always make the bed in the morning. Who sometimes is ordering pizza for dinner. Who almost always has a basket full of laundry in the bathroom.

Instead, I am that mom who jumps on the bed in the middle of the day. Who plays a board game while eating pizza for dinner. Who comes home with dirty clothes after jumping into puddles on a rainy day.

how to be a better mom

3. Taking care of myself and my own needs and wishes

This is a lesson that I’ve learned the hard way. But the truth is that I cannot be a happy mom if I’m not feeling happy with myself.

“You teach your kids how to live life by the way you live yours.”

Kids learn from us to live their life with joy and purpose. So I don’t want my child to see me as that tired mom who sacrifices her happiness for others. I want him to see me as that person who lives a meaningful life, enjoys every day, and follows her dreams.

I wrote more about the way I managed to build a happier mom life here: 3 simple changes that make my mom life much happier.

4. Searching for positive ways to handle every challenging moment

Every time when I face a challenge as a parent, I search for positive parenting solutions that can help me. Gentle parenting has guided me through the most difficult moments and it has always worked for us!

Being a gentle mom is not easy. In fact, it’s an ongoing lesson for me. I make mistakes and learn from them. I sometimes struggle a lot to find the best way to handle a situation.

But after every single challenging period, when I finally find that positive solution that works, I look back and I know for sure that I will never give up this parenting style. Because it allows me to raise my son in a way that feels good for both of us.

Here are some of the things that really helped me during the last years:

– reading some inspiring parenting books: 4 positive parenting books for raising happy and confident kids

– becoming a calmer mom: What helped me become a calmer mom and be gentle with my son even if I’m angry

– finding gentle ways to deal with my son’s aggressive behavior: 3 gentle ways to handle aggresion in young kids (that really work)

– supporting my son when dealing with strong emotions: How to help young kids deal with strong emotions in a gentle way {+ printable}

– using positive alternatives to punishments and time-outs: What to do instead of punishments? 5 gentle ways to discipline young kids.

how to be a better mom

5. Finding time for what really matters

One of the most important lessons that I’ve learned after becoming a mom was that time is precious and the way we choose to spend it makes a huge difference in our life.

We can choose to waste all our time and energy on things that don’t bring us any real joy or we can make room for what really matters. In my case, letting go of all the things that weren’t really important had a great positive impact on my life. Asking for help had too.

I’ve learned to be more intentional with my time. To plan more activities that give me the chance to connect with my son. To focus more on what I want to do with my time and less on what I’m “supposed to do” or what other people would want me to do.

I wrote more about the tips that helped me manage my time a lot better here:

5 tips for overwhelmed moms that made a difference in my life

– 7 helpful time management tips that make my life easier.

how to be a better mom


Being more of the mom that I want to be is something that happens every single day. It’s about learning from my mistakes, accepting who I am (and who I cannot be), and letting the love for my child guide me.

There is no manual on how to be a better mom. And we don’t need one! Because in most of the cases, the answer is already in front of us. We just need to take the time to find it and to let it guide us every single day.

If you ever wanted to become a better mom, here are 5 things that you try today to help you be the parent you always wanted to be! They made a big difference for me and I'm sure that they will help you too! --- How to be a better mom | Tips to be a good mom | Motherhood tips | Advice for moms | Parenting tips #Motherhood #AdviceForMoms

How to be a better mom: How many times have you wondered this? I've gathered here 5 things that really made a difference for me and helped me become more of the mom that I want to be. And I hope that they will inspire you too! | How to be a better mom ideas | Positive parenting ideas | Parenting tipsHow to be a better mom: How many times have you wondered this? I've gathered here 5 things that really made a difference for me and helped me become more of the mom that I want to be. And I hope that they will inspire you too! | How to be a better mom ideas | Positive parenting ideas | Parenting tips
How to be a better mom: How many times have you wondered this? I've gathered here 5 things that really made a difference for me and helped me become more of the mom that I want to be. And I hope that they will inspire you too! | How to be a better mom ideas | Positive parenting ideas | Parenting tips

photo credit preview photo: Svetlana Happyland / shutterstock.com – photo credit rest of the photos: Yulia Grigoryeva / shutterstock.com – photo credit Pinterest photo: Evgeny Atamenko / shutterstock.com

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