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If you ever experienced toddler tantrums at bedtime, you know how frustrating they can be, especially when you already feel exhausted! The good news is that there are ways to make bedtime easier and more peaceful! And they apply for both toddlers and older kids.
My son was standing in the middle of the bed. He only had his pajama pants on. His pajama shirt was laying on the floor where he just threw it earlier. He had his toothbrush in his hand and he was pointing it to me while he was loudly protesting about all my requests.
“I don’t want to brush my teeth! I don’t want to wear my pajamas! And I will never go to sleep!”
I was so tired! All I wanted in that moment was to find that magic solution that will make him peacefully go on with our bedtime routine. But this was certainly not his plan! If you have ever gone through a similar situation, you know how annoying it can be!
So that night I promised myself that I will do my best to stop this kind of bedtime struggles. And that I will transform bedtime into a moment that is enjoyable for both of us!
I knew for sure that I didn’t want my evenings to look like that again. So I shifted my perspective about how bedtime should look like. I started implementing some changes and things got a lot easier!
Bedtime doesn’t have to be a struggle! It can be peaceful and enjoyable!
We manage this (most of the time) by applying 5 changes that made a difference in our life. And I’m pretty sure that they can help you too!
1. Help your child get used to a bedtime routine (and make it fun!)
I’m sure that you’ve heard this advice before! But there is a reason why bedtime routines are so popular: they can help the child easily follow all the activities that he needs to do before bedtime.
At first, we used a morning routine checklist when are morning were chaotic and stressful. And it worked great!
So when I saw that my son wasn’t so happy to participate in the activities before bedtime, I’ve created a visual bedtime checklist and encouraged him to follow it. (You can download the printable checklist using the below link.)
Implementing this checklist was very helpful! My son got used to the routine and was happy to check all the boxes on the list.
The secret to making this process very easy is to add some fun to it! Here are some easy ways to do this:
- transform bathtime into a fun bubble bath
- sing a special song while the child brushes their teeth (this will keep them entertained long enough to brush their teeth correctly)
- create a little dance that you dance together immediately after the child puts their pajamas on.
I’m sure that this small changes will not only bring joy to your child but make this routine a lot more enjoyable for you too!
photo credit: Evgeny Atamanenko / shutterstock.com
In the meantime, as my son grew, we don’t use the checklist anymore. He already knows everything he has to do and doesn’t need any additional reminders.
But if your child is just getting used to following a routine, I highly recommend you to try this visual checklist. It will make things a lot easier for both of you.
>> Click here to download the printable Bedtime Routine Checklist
Important tip
I noticed that my son was a lot less willing to follow the routine when it ended with him going to bed. And it’s normal! Imagine that you need to do a list of activities leading to something that you don’t really want to do. I guarantee you that you’ll find endless ways to procrastinate instead of doing those activities.
The same thing happens with children!
If they don’t want to go to bed they will do their best to postpone it. And this can make the simple tasks before bedtime a real struggle for you!
So instead of ending the list of tasks with him going to bed, we did a small (but very effective) change. We added a lovely ritual that takes place between these tasks and the moment when he needs to go to sleep.
photo credit: Evgeny Atamanenko / shutterstock.com
And this takes us to the next thing on our list.
2. Create a bedtime ritual that your child will love
The bedtime ritual is an activity that your child loves and you do together every night before going to sleep. It doesn’t need to be time-consuming or complicated. You’ll be amazed by how powerful even the easiest rituals are for kids!
The reason why having a ritual is a great idea is very simple: The children will be happy to finish the tasks on the bedtime routine quickly if they know that at the end they will do something nice with their parents.
Also, having a bedtime ritual nurtures the parent-child relationship and helps you build a stronger connection.
Here are some easy ideas of bedtime rituals that you can start with your child:
- Create a special character and tell your child a short story about this character every night.
The character can be a girl or a boy of a similar age with your child, an animal that they like, or a superhero with awesome powers. You can use these stories also for addressing different concerns or worries that your child has, in a playful way.
- Start a gratitude journal and write in it every night with your child. Think about a thing that each of you is grateful for that they and write it down in the journal.
- Start a “3 happy moments” ritual. Every night, share 3 happy moments from your day. Then invite your child to do the same thing. Doing this exercise every night will bring both of you more joy and connection.
- Sing together some songs that you like. Or each of you can share a different song and sing it to each other.
There are plenty of ideas that you can try! Just think about what your child likes and create a ritual based on it.
If you do it every single day, it will become a very nice moment to enjoy with your child. It will bring you closer and it will make bedtime much more enjoyable!
photo credit: Evgeny Atamanenko / shutterstock.com
3. Pay attention to the activities that the child does before bedtime
What I’ve noticed at my son is that the activities that he does before bedtime pay an important role. If he does something very active (like jumping and running around the house or “wrestling” with his dad), he has a hard time calming down and getting to sleep.
The same thing happens if he does activities on the tablet before bedtime.
So I always try to offer him calm activities to do before going to bed. Legos and Magnatiles are perfect for this!
4. Create an atmosphere that your child enjoys (but also set clear boundaries)
If the atmosphere is calming and enjoyable, getting to sleep will be a lot easier.
So here are some things that are great for making bedtime more enjoyable:
- Glow in the dark stars – These are great for decorating the child’s room! And turning off the light will become much more fun!
- Music – We have a CD player in my son’s room and we use it to play some nice children songs after he gets in bed.
- Audiobooks – My son’s favorite bedtime activity is listening to audiobooks. We have an Audible acount and he loves discovering new stories every month.
(You can try Audible and get 2 free audiobooks when you sign up for a 30-day trial here.)
photo credit: Africa Studio / shutterstock.com
Besides creating this nice atmosphere for our child, we also set some clear boundaries about the things that are allowed after going to bed. My son used to become very demanding after going to bed. He wanted water, milk, a snack, going to the bathroom, and so on. At first, I didn’t mind. But in time, it became frustrating.
So we talked about this and we found a solution together. We agreed that after brushing teeth there will be no more snacks or milk. He can eat or drink as much as he wants before brushing his teeth in case he is still hungry after dinner.
We place a bottle of water next to his bed in case he gets thirsty. And we also planned a last visit to the bathroom right before getting to bed.
This way we prevent those endless demands that used to appear after bedtime. And I felt a lot better knowing that I don’t have to deal with them anymore!
(My son used to sleep in our room until recently so he always had us close. Now he sleeps in this own room, but I still go to him anytime he calls me because I want him to know that I’m there for him. Sometimes he asks for some additional hugs and kisses and I’m so happy to offer them! Also, my husband often stays with him until he falls asleep if he tells us that he feels alone or scared.
I truly believe that this gentle approach towards sleep and the fact that we never ignored his requests helped a lot for making bedtime so peaceful and enjoyable.)
5. Make room for flexibility
I know from my own experience that having a bedtime routine can help. But being too rigid about it doesn’t!
Children need structure but they also need flexibility! So instead of setting a fixed bedtime, I preferred to be flexible and adjust it to our daily schedule.
photo credit: Evgeny Atamanenko / shutterstock.com
For example, if my son takes a late nap and wakes up at 6 p.m, it would be impossible for him to fall asleep again at 9. So I always take into consideration the time past since nap time and the level of activity that he had in the meantime. In a day when we go to the park in the evening and he runs a lot, I’ll start the bedtime routine earlier than in a day when we spend the evening at home, doing less active activities.
Having this flexibility is allowing us to have a more spontaneous schedule. And this is great, especially when we travel and each day looks different!
Trying to put to sleep a child that is obviously not ready to sleep is a frustrating task for both parent and child. So making room for flexibility can really prevent a lot of unnecessary power struggles.
Update: After my son stopped napping during the day we switched to an early (and fixed) bedtime and this was a great change for our family! You can get all the tips on how to get kids to go to sleep earlier here.
You can also download the bedtime routine checklist using the below link.
>> Click here to download the printable Bedtime Routine Checklist <<
I hope that these tips will help you make bedtime more peaceful and enjoyable!
photo credit preview photo: Africa Studio / shutterstock.com
