How to encourage kids to play independently
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If there’s one thing that has saved my sanity as a parent during busy, overwhelming seasons, it’s independent play.
It might seem like a small thing, but having those quiet moments — whether to get things done, take a break, or simply drink a cup of coffee while it’s still warm — made such a huge difference for me.
And over the years, I’ve learned that it’s not just a benefit for parents — it’s a gift for kids too!
Encouraging kids to play independently helps them build creativity, focus, and confidence while giving parents the space to recharge.
But getting kids to enjoy playing on their own isn’t always easy.
8 ways to encourage kids to play independently
Because I often get questions about the things that helped us encourage our kids to happily (and creatively) play on their own, I wanted to share with you today 8 simple ways to encourage independent play at home!
1. Build a strong connection first
It might seem counterintuitive, but independence starts with connection.
When kids receive the love and attention they need, they feel safe and confident, and they are more willing to explore the world on their own.
Fill their cup first: offer cuddles, spend quality time together, and let them know they can always come to you when they need comfort.
Your love is the best foundation for your child’s independence.
The more connected kids feel, the more willing they’ll be to venture into independent play.
2. Don’t let independent play feel like a chore or rejection
Often, without even realizing, we send the wrong message to our kids when it comes to independent play.
When we say things like “Now you need to play alone for a while”, “I can’t play right now, go play on your own”, we make independent play feel like a “chore”, and the kids will be less willing to try it!
Instead, using one of the strategies below can help kids see independent play as a fun, creative time when they get to explore new things on their own!
3. Alternate independent play with time spent together
It’s unrealistic to expect young kids to play on their own all the time!
The best way to get them to play on their own is to alternate between quality time together and independent play.
This works great for keeping the kids happy while also encouraging them to play independently!
4. Start the activity together
Another easy way to connect with the kids before they play on their own is to start a playful activity together.
- Read a book, then invite them to draw something from the story.
- Build a Lego structure together, then encourage them to add to it on their own.
- Play a quick game, then give them space to continue the fun independently.
This gives them the confidence to continue without feeling like they were left alone too soon.
5. Set up simple invitations to play
Sometimes kids have a hard time coming up with ideas to try on their own. This is completely normal for young kids, but it can often happen to older kids as well.
This is how I first discovered the idea of preparing “invitations to play” (or “invitations to create”) for my kids, and it made such a big difference in our life!
If you are looking for an easy way to keep your kids busy at home without having them spend hours in front of screens, I encourage you to try this idea as well!
Once you start building a habit of preparing simple invitations to play for your kids, setting up activities will become a lot easier, so you’ll spend less time looking for ideas and more time being present with your kids.
Bonus:
Want quick & easy ideas to try with your kids? This set of activity cards that will make it easy for you to set up engaging invitations to play in less than 10 minutes.
6. Invite the kids to play next to you
If your child struggles with playing alone, this is one of the most effective tips to use when you need to work from home!
Set them up with blocks, art supplies, or their favorite play materials next to you while you get things done.
Making short breaks to talk with the kids about what they are doing keeps them engaged in the activity for a longer time, and encourages them to try even more ideas on their own.
7. Create an inviting play space
When it comes to play spaces, many times “less is more”. It might seem counterintuitive, but a busy, crowded play space makes it more difficult for kids to develop their creativity and focus.
Instead, create a space with just a few toys and materials and let the kids find creative ways to play with them.
Here are three ways to do this:
- create a few “play boxes” to offer the kids during their independent playtime (and rotate them, so the kids get something different every day).
- create small “play kits” with easy activities that kids can do on their own (e.g., an art kit with papers, pencils, and markers, a playdough kit with different play dough colors and tools, etc).
- choose open-ended toys that encourage creativity (e.g., building blocks – these are my son’s favorites right now, pretend play toys, LEGOs, etc) and make it easy for the child to access and use them.
8. Avoid relying on screens when kids get bored
Many times, when kids are bored, it feels tempting to keep them busy using screens. And it works in the short run!
But here is the thing: If kids learn that boredom is “cured” by spending time in front of screens, it will be a lot harder to encourage them to try anything else.
This leads to a vicious circle because they will ask for more screen time and find it more difficult to entertain themselves in other ways.
I am not against screen time, but I think it’s very important not to allow it to negatively impact the kids’ ability to find creative ways to play.
Boredom is good for kids. Children don’t need to be constantly entertained. On the contrary, those times when they don’t have anything to do are the ones that boost their creativity and independence!
Bonus:
Want quick & easy ideas to try with your kids? This set of activity cards that will make it easy for you to set up engaging invitations to play in less than 10 minutes.
Independent play takes time
Here are 3 important things I learned over the years:
- Be realistic about your expectations.
It’s normal for young kids to go through periods when they need more attention from their parents and are less willing to play independently.
Trying to “push” a child to be more independent not only doesn’t not work, but it leads to more disconnection and frustrations for both the child and the parent.
- Resist the temptation to intervene in the child’s play when it’s not necessary.
While showing them how things work is helpful, giving too many instructions and trying to “control” how the kids play has negative effects on their ability to play on their own.
The children get the message that they need an adult to guide them every step of the way, and this makes them less open to exploring things on their own.
- Allow time for the child to learn how to play independently.
The more chances we offer them to explore independent play in a way that is fun and engaging, the sooner they will learn to play on their own.
Encouraging independent play is a process — it doesn’t happen overnight.
If your kids are not playing independently as much as you’d like right now, here is something we often overlook when we have young kids:
- There will be a time when our kids will no longer ask for us to join them in their play.
- A time when they will no longer share with us everything they do.
- A time when playing on the floor, cuddling at story time, or giggling over little things will only be memories.
So while you’re encouraging independence, don’t forget to cherish the moments when they still want you close — because these moments won’t last forever.
