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Inside: If you want to stop being an angry mother when your child acts out, here is an easy and effective tip that will help you remain calm and handle the situation without anger.
Some time ago I realized that I was slowly becoming an angry mother and this thought scared me a lot.
I knew that my child doesn’t deserve this. And I knew that I don’t deserve this either. Because all that anger was affecting my whole life. It made me feel frustrated and defeated. It damaged my relationship with my child and my husband. And it brought a lot of mom guilt that was keeping me captive in that vicious cycle of anger and guilt.
This is when my journey to become a calm mom (and wife) started. I can honestly say that learning to manage my own feelings was much more difficult than I ever imagined!
It’s still an ongoing journey because every new parenting challenge I face brings new lessons I need to learn. And many times I learn them the hard way.
One thing that I know for sure is that starting this journey has been the best thing that I ever did as a mom. I always knew I wanted to raise my child in a gentle way but it took me a while to understand how important my own emotional state is in my efforts to be a good parent.
Once I understood that everything changed. I realized that it’s entirely up to me to choose between keeping all that anger inside me (and letting it affect my life) or finding ways to deal with it.
My son has always been my strongest motivation. He made this transformation possible. He inspired me to become a better person and I’m so grateful that he brought this change in my life!
How to stop being an angry mother when your child acts out
I know that many moms have the same struggle when it comes to managing intense emotions. After I started writing about my efforts to stop being an angry mother I received so many messages from moms who faced the same challenge.
Every single message brings me more motivation to write about this because I know how much it matters! I know from my own experience how hard it is to stay calm in difficult parenting moments. And I also know what a big difference it makes to finally find something that works and helps you remain calm when triggered!
This is why today I want to share with you the one thing that helps me stop getting angry when my child acts out.
When I first read about this method I was very skeptical. To be honest, I almost didn’t try it because I was convinced it wouldn’t work.
But when I heard the author of my favorite parenting book recommend it so strongly I decided to give it a try.
Here is how to apply this strategy:
– Anytime you feel that you are getting angry at your child, press the stop button. Just stop talking. No matter if you already started yelling or you’re in the middle of a fight.
It’s always better to stop instead of letting things get even more out of control. You can simply tell your child that you need to pause and calm down if you already started acted on your anger.
– After you pressed the stop button on your anger, here is a trick that works wonders to help you regain your calm: Use a specific phrase (mantra) to remind you to calm down and get re-centered.
These phrases (or mantras if you prefer to name them this way) have a powerful impact because they can help you train your brain to let go of the anger and focus on regaining your calm.
The more you use this strategy the better it works.
12 powerful phrases that will help you regain your calm
The phrase you choose is completely up to you. I’ve gathered here a list of phrases to inspire you but you can create your own mantra if you think that this will work better for you.
1. “It’s not an emergency”
This is the mantra that Dr. Laura Markham mentioned in her parenting course and the one she likes to use. (Here is a great article that mentions this phrase and some other very helpful tips for dealing with anger.)
2. “Always choose love”
This is my favorite phrase and it helps me a lot when I tend to get angry. It’s such a wonderful reminder of the love we have for our children and the need to put it first no matter how angry we get.
3. “I can handle this”
This empowering message will help you relax and deal with things in a calmer way.
4. “I can let go of this”
5. “Only peace today”
6. “She / he is just a child”
Sometimes we get angry because we have unrealistic expectations from our kids. Reminding ourselves that they act childish or immature because they are children brings a perspective shift that can help us calm down.
7. “Just be kind”
8. “This too shall pass”
This is a well-known parenting mantra that can also be used in moments when you feel overwhelmed or exhausted.
9. “I am here for her / him”
10. “Act with love”
How to apply this today
You can start using this strategy today. First, you need to choose the phrase that resonates the best with you or create your own phrase.
Then here is how to use it:
- When you get angry, hit the pause button. Just stop and relax.
- Take a deep breath (and maybe a few more).
- Say your mantra slowly. Repeat it a few times and let its message help you regain your calm.
I know that this might seem to easy to really work. But it does work! And it can make a huge difference in those hard moments when you struggle to fight the anger.
If you decide to try this strategy I would be very glad to find out how it worked for you! I truly hope that it will bring more peaceful moments in your home and that it will help you conquer the anger and become the calm mom you want to be!
More from Playful Notes
- The most important thing to do to improve a child’s behavior
- What a little rock taught me about being a patient mom
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photo credit: Evgeny Atamanenko / shutterstock.com